Dear Slow Fade

Dear Slow Fade,

At first you replied before we had put the phone down. Then it took an hour, then a day, then a week and a “sorry, things have been mad”. Throughout this national emergency, you watched every one of our Stories.

We know people get busy. We also know you managed to find us, flirt with us and get us into bed while holding exactly the same job.

Now you send “thinking of you” whenever we stop contacting you, then vanish when we suggest a date. We are beginning to suspect being thought of is the entire offer.

We are ending this. There is no need to reply. You have been rehearsing that part for weeks.

Yours, no longer waiting for the typing bubble,

Dear John