How It Works
You make the decision. We handle the difficult conversation.
- You Approve Every Word
- Strictly Confidential
- Delivered Within 5 Business Days
- Secure Payment
- No Ghosting Required
There is a certain irony in the fact that ending a relationship can require considerably more planning than starting one. What began with a drink, a swipe or an ill-advised introduction from a mutual friend can somehow end with weeks of awkward silences, increasingly creative excuses and an astonishing amount of time spent avoiding the telephone.
We thought there ought to be a simpler way.
At Dear John, we take care of the uncomfortable business of saying goodbye. You tell us what happened, we find the right words and deliver the news on your behalf, with enough consideration to preserve their dignity and enough clarity to ensure that nobody mistakes the breakup for a temporary scheduling difficulty.
Choose Your Breakup
Start with The Breakup Menu and decide how you would prefer to say goodbye. We offer personalised letters, telephone calls and thoughtfully arranged farewell gifts, including flowers, chocolates, champagne or tequila.
For the particularly complicated situations, our concierge service offers a more considered approach. Some relationships simply cannot be concluded with a paragraph and a bouquet.
Explore The Breakup Menu →
Tell Us the Story
Once you have selected your service, we will ask you to complete a confidential briefing. Tell us about the relationship, what has brought you to this decision and anything we ought to know before contacting the other person.
We do not need a complete history of your romantic disappointments, although we appreciate that some of them may be rather entertaining. We simply need enough information to understand the situation and handle it properly.
Your briefing is covered by the confidentiality agreement in our Terms of Service and by our Privacy Policy.
We Find the Right Words
We will prepare a personalised communication that reflects your circumstances and what you actually want to say. The message should be honest, considerate and unmistakably clear, without providing unnecessary material for a three-hour debate about whose fault everything was.
You will have the opportunity to review and approve the message before we deliver it. For telephone services, we will agree on the key wording and boundaries in advance, so that you know exactly what we intend to communicate.
After all, it is your breakup. We are simply rather good at delivering the news.
We Deliver the Goodbye
Once everything has been agreed and the necessary arrangements are in place, Dear John will deliver your message through the chosen service.
Whether the occasion calls for a letter, a telephone conversation or a carefully presented gift, we will handle the delivery with discretion and respect. We will identify ourselves honestly, and we will never continue contacting someone who has asked us to stop.
We cannot promise that the recipient will be delighted. That would be an ambitious expectation under the circumstances. We can, however, make sure that the communication is handled professionally.
You Get On With Your Life
Once the agreed service has been completed, we will confirm the outcome and let you get on with whatever comes next.
You have made your decision, had the courtesy to communicate it and avoided joining the ever-growing population of adults who regard disappearing as a perfectly acceptable interpersonal skill.
Not bad for a day’s work.
A Few Things Worth Knowing
Once you have paid, we will send you a booking confirmation and a link to your confidential briefing.
Your first draft will be ready within two business days of receiving your completed briefing, and you will have up to two rounds of revisions to make sure we get the words right. Once you have approved the final message in writing, we will arrange delivery of your letter or telephone call within five business days. If you have chosen flowers, chocolates or something stronger, we will confirm the delivery arrangements with you separately. For those who have left things rather late, same-day service may also be available. Although we would gently suggest that planning your breakup five minutes before dinner is not an ideal strategy.
A Word on Discretion
Your romantic history is your business, and we have no intention of making it ours beyond what is necessary to provide the service. We handle personal information confidentially, follow our published privacy and confidentiality terms, and share only what is necessary to deliver the agreed goodbye. We also reserve the right to decline requests involving harassment, intimidation, deception or circumstances where contacting someone may be unsafe. Confidentiality is serious business, even when the circumstances are frankly ridiculous.
Grown-Up Breakups Only
Ghosting is the cowardly option. This is how we make sure the person on the other end is treated properly.
You Sign Off Every Word
Nothing goes out until you approve the final wording in writing. Change your mind before then and nothing is sent.
We Say Who We Are
They hear from us who we are and why we're in touch. Discreet, never deceptive, and we never pretend to be you.
We Stop When Asked
If they tell us to stop, we stop. No chasing, no second rounds, unless you booked one follow-up and they haven't asked us to stop.
We Don't Negotiate
We deliver the message. We don't argue, plead, bargain or take sides, and we never discuss their reaction with anyone but you.
What You Tell Us Stays Here
Every booking is covered by the confidentiality agreement in our Terms of Service. Briefings and drafts are deleted 90 days after delivery.
We Know Our Limits
Harassment, intimidation or anything unsafe and we decline. If you need a lawyer or a counsellor instead, we will tell you so.
Questions, Answered
Do you actually break up with someone for me?
Yes. That's rather the point. We deliver your approved message by letter or telephone, depending on the service.
Will they know you've hired Dear John?
Yes. We introduce ourselves and explain why we're getting in touch. We're discreet, not deceptive.
Can I choose what the letter says?
Absolutely. It's your breakup. Nothing goes out without your approval.
Do I pay before the briefing?
Yes. You book and pay first, and your confidential briefing opens straight after payment. Nothing is written or sent until you have approved it.
How long does it take?
Your first draft arrives within 2 business days of a complete briefing. Once you approve it, letters and calls go out within 5 business days. If it really can't wait, add our Same-Day Service for messages approved by 12:00 on a business day.
What if they want to talk to me afterwards?
That's up to you. We deliver the message; we don't negotiate on your behalf. If you'd like us to send one follow-up message, add it as an extra.
What if they can't be reached?
We try again and keep you informed. For letters and calls we agree the next step with you. For gifts, we make one further delivery attempt; perishables cannot be kept, and anything else comes back to you.
What if they get angry?
Understandable. We'll remain respectful, won't argue on your behalf and won't continue if the recipient asks us to stop.
Can I change my mind?
You can cancel any time after purchase, with a 50% cancellation fee. Once you approve your draft, it is final: no refunds and no returns. We are a services company working on time and materials, and our time is money, so our refund policy is strict. Full details are in our Terms of Service. To cancel, write to secondthoughts@dearjohn.co.za.
Do you deliver outside Johannesburg?
Letters and calls can reach anyone, anywhere. Yes. Flowers, gifts and cakes are sourced from a trusted partner in the recipient's own city and delivered locally, for a flat local delivery fee of R150 anywhere in South Africa. Questions about a gift delivery? Write to specialdelivery@dearjohn.co.za.
Is there anything you won't do?
We don't take on anything involving harassment, intimidation, deception or a safety risk. Some situations need a lawyer or a counsellor rather than a breakup agency, and we'll tell you if yours is one of them.
Can I send flowers and tequila together?
Of course. We're not here to question your creative decisions.
Still wondering how it works, write to letsbreakup@dearjohn.co.za.
Ready to Make It Official?
You have already made the decision. There is no particular reason to spend another three weeks rehearsing the conversation in your head. Choose your breakup, tell us what happened and leave the uncomfortable business of saying goodbye to us.
Book Your BreakupWe help you break up so you do not get a reputation as a dickhead.
