28 October 2026
Dear Voice Note,
You arrived at seven minutes and forty seconds, opening with “quick one” and the sound of someone reversing out of a driveway.
By minute three, we know what the car guard said and why you changed nail technicians. By minute six, you say “please do not be cross”. We pause you. We know exactly where this is going.
You slept with them again. The one we helped you block. The one whose belongings you left with security because you were “finally choosing yourself”. Apparently you have since chosen a different outfit and gone back.
We are retiring you. Next time, send a text saying “I have done it again”. We can be disappointed without connecting to the car’s Bluetooth.
With love, and absolutely no need for the extended version,
Dear John
