Dear Gym Membership

Dear Gym Membership,

You only ever see us after a breakup. We arrive in new trainers, sign a 12-month contract and tell the front desk we are “doing this for me”. The front desk has heard that before. Usually from us, every 18 months.

Everyone knows who the revenge body is for. We spent six weeks on deadlifts for someone who muted our Stories in March.

Then the heart heals and, inevitably, so does the attendance. You are the only relationship we have ever had that ends the moment we feel better.

We are cancelling. Please do not make us come in to explain why. The whole point is that we do not come in.

Yours, exercising our right to leave,

Dear John