Dear “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Dear “It’s Not You, It’s Me”,

You are the only confession people make while hoping to be told what a lovely person they are.

“It is me. I need to work on myself.” Of course. We just had not realised working on yourself required a weekend in Clarens with someone we were told not to worry about.

Then comes “you deserve better”, delivered with the solemn generosity of someone who spent a year making sure we never got it. We are expected to nod and admire how difficult this has been for them.

We are retiring you. From now on, people can say “I do not want this relationship” and sit through the uncomfortable bit. Nobody needs a character reference on the way out.

Yours, delighted we agree on the problem,

Dear John