Dear Zodiacs

Dear Zodiacs,

We have been meaning to write. For years we have sat at dinner tables across Johannesburg listening to you explain yourselves. One person cannot commit because they are a Sagittarius. Another cannot apologise because they are a Leo, with Venus somewhere unhelpful.

We have nothing against the stars. It is only that they have been blamed for more bad behaviour than tequila, and they were not even at the party.

So we are writing to each of you individually, every second day, as a matter of courtesy. You will each read your own letter, announce that none of it is accurate and then read it again.

We are starting with Scorpio. They have already read ahead.

Yours, with no rising sign to blame,

Dear John